Category Archives: Paying Attention

High Stakes Dominoes

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I’ve learned the past few weeks in Natal how much the role of curiosity plays in what we pay attention to. Almost every morning, very early, I sit on our third floor balcony, which overlooks a busy city street with a median between the lanes of traffic. The median ncludes palm trees, much trash, old abandoned tires, and a small amount of space that is a tiny park with seats embedded in the concrete floor.

What draws my attention to the middle section of the street is an elderly man who comes to the same spot on the median and stands observing traffic and people.

He follows the same pattern each day. He will cross the street to his spot in the park-like area of the median, stand, and turn completely around to observe the people and the traffic. He looks down at the ground and searches for a weed to pull up, pitches it away from his space, rubs his hands together, sits on the same stool with one foot on the seat of a nearby stool, and watches. He wears flip-flops, a net tank top, and short pants. The clothes always match colors and his hair is carefully combed.

After he finishes these rituals, he greets anyone who comes near his spot.

The gentleman usually stays an hour and then leaves—probably to go home for breakfast.

Most days I see him a little later with 4-5 other “retirees” sitting on the stools playing dominoes (See picture at end of article). The many cars and motorcycles that pass by on each side do not distract them. About noon they disperse and the same routine is repeated most days .

Since I do not speak Portuguese, I can only speculate on their conversation. Do they discuss the rainy season, the amount of traffic, complain about the government? And how about the dominoes game? Do they lay money on the table and the winner gets the pot? Or is this a game just to while the time away?

I can’t resist watching each morning the rituals that unfold and the discussion over dominoes that ensues. I’m simply curious and that alone keeps my attention. Dominoes anyone? What kinds of things are you curious about? What holds your attention? Are they curious about the Americano who sits on the third-floor balcony watching them?

 

Watch, Listen, Evaluate!

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President Obama officially began his campaign for reelection last week. The consensus among most is that Mitt Romney will be the Republican candidate seeking the presidency. In a couple of months the political conventions will have been completed and the speeches will begin in earnest. Certainly you must vote, but between now and November 5 you must also watch, listen, and evaluate.

There are distinct differences between the two men in the direction each thinks our country should go. You also have definite beliefs about our country’s direction. Determine for yourself what those are and then make a decision on which candidate will best carry out your beliefs. To do that you have a responsibility to listen to their speeches and their answers to questions from us constituents, evaluate those positions, and then vote for the best candidate.

As you watch them speak, determine which one best seems to speak with the most passion, the one who seems to care most for his audiences, and the one you think will best represent us to the world.

Listen for key ideas that tell you which policies he wants to implement as President. What evidence does he present for each key idea? Is there enough evidence to warrant such a plan? Listen for examples that explain what he wants to do as President. Does he demonstrate depth in his knowledge about issues at home and abroad? Can you follow his train of thought easily, demonstrating that he has thought through carefully the ideas he is advocating?

Listen to as many speeches as you can to check for consistency in his ideas and beliefs. Does he seem to pander to an audience what they want to hear? Or he is willing to say some things they might not want to hear, but that are in the best interests of our country?

Finally, evaluate what you have listened to. As you listen and answer the questions above, then you must make a choice. That choice cannot be based on which one is the best looking or which one comes across best on the late night talk shows. You must watch, listen, and evaluate to fulfill your responsibilities as a United States citizen.

Even if your choice does not win in November, at least by practicing these three critical skills you have earned the right to complain when policies are implemented that you disagree with!

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Oops! Did I Really Say That?

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A few days ago, the media played and replayed a private moment that was not so private. A “hot” microphone caught this statement by President Obama to Russian President Dmitri Medvedev: “This is my last election,” the President said. “After my election, I have more flexibility,” in reference to a missile deal.

We have all had an “oops” in our communication with others. You may have, as my wife did, asked a woman, “When is your baby due?” when the woman was not pregnant.

I remember at a little league baseball game saying to a white-haired man about a little boy he had brought to the game, “Is he your grandson?”

“No,” he said, “he is my son.”

Countless times I have mispronounced students’ names even after they have told me more than once the correct pronunciation. As I give these examples, you may be developing your own list of “oops.”

So what can we do to avoid the “oops” in our communication time? First, think through what you are going to say before you speak. This line from a fortune cookie is good advice: “From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.” All of us have spoken when we should have been quiet one sentence longer.

Don’t talk unless you have something to add to the conversation. Listening will allow you time to think and assimilate information so when you do speak your words will have more impact. A common sense reason to listen more is that you will have less opportunity to say something you will regret. The more you talk, the greater the chances are that you will deliver an “oops.”

Anticipate “oops” opportunities. For example, if the President had checked the microphone himself, he would have avoided his faux pas. Develop your own personal checklist. If you are delivering a speech, check yourself in the mirror just prior to speaking the make sure all clothing is in place and personal grooming is as you wish it. Don’t make it difficult for the audience to pay attention to your words because your mascara is smudged, or your tie is crooked, or there is a crumb at the corner of your mouth.

Check the pronunciation of the name of the organization, CEO, person being honored, or any other proper noun you will use in your speech.

Before going into a meeting, go over the agenda or talk to someone who may be more connected to the meeting content; review what will be covered. Find out who will be present and consider topics to be discussed that might offend or make people unnecessarily defensive. Ponder the best way to speak your views and offend as few as possible.

Other Presidents have had their own gaffes involving the Russians. During a microphone check for a radio address on public schools in 1984, President Ronald Reagan decided to have a little fun. “My fellow Americans,” he said, “I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” The audio got out to the media and, since it was near the end of the Cold War, his Soviet counterparts were not amused.

So even as we anticipate opportunities to avoid our own “oops” moments, we can still be entertained by those of others. What can you share here about your own “oops” experiences? Do you know another Presidential example?

Silence is Golden

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       Since I retired a few weeks ago from the university, I don’t talk as much. I don’t lecture up to twelve hours a week. I spend more time in silence; I have more time to think about my speeches and sermons. I spend a lot of time writing and preparing presentations in the quietness of the Cincinnati Mercantile Library in downtown Cincinnati or in the carrels of the Northern Kentucky University library.
         Even though my careers center on talking, there is less stress when I don’t talk as much. I don’t have to worry about saying too much or saying something I might regret because I did not think it through carefully enough. Not talking as much gives me more time to do other things. I find that I observe more closely and ponder more deeply.
         Ausonius said, “He who does not know how to be silent will not know how to speak.”  Solomon in his wisdom made the point that there is a time to be silent. I think all of us could communicate better if we spent more time in silence.
         Use silence to underscore what you do say. When I pause a moment, the person I’m talking to looks at me expectantly. (Unless it’s my wife; she’s more likely to take that opportunity to toss in her two cents worth.)
          Practice important conversations by going over mentally what you plan to say. Spend private time each day either anticipating your responsibilities for the day or pondering what you learned that day before you retire for the evening.  
          I wish our leaders would spend less time on camera talking about issues and spend more time behind closed doors thinking and studying issues. The decisions might be of higher quality.
          We pay the ultimate respect by a moment of silence. We honor a person’s life by a period of silence. We can be surprised to the point of silence.
           When I am silent, I learn more; I find out more about others and myself. I observe more, and I am less stressed. I have taught that in my listening seminars for years, but now I am even more aware of the truth of the importance of listening.
            The title of this piece is just part of the idiom. The entire quotation is “Speech is silver; silence is golden.” Maybe we should all seek a little more gold and a little less silver.   

Have Fun with Words

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I recently spent several days in London and Northern Ireland.  Even though English is the major language in both countries, many words have different meanings and some expressions, although they are words you know, have meanings that are different from in the United States.  For example, a pharmacist is a “dispensing chemist”, exit is a “way out,” and French fries are “chips.”  Trash is “rubbish,” a trunk of a car is a “boot,” an elevator is a “lift,” candy is “sweeties,” and athletic shoes are “trainers.”  And the list goes on and on. 

This experience made me think of some of the language challenges we have in our own country. For example, when I lived in Boone, North Carolina, mountain people had several different meanings for the word “poke.”   In that geographical region, poke was a type of greens you could fry and with proper seasoning make a tasty side dish.  A poke was a sack to carry your lunch in.  A poke was the front part of a sun bonnet that elderly women would wear.  Then there is the common meaning, as to poke someone with a stick. 

Here in Cincinnati, the word “please” means “I didn’t understand” or “Would you repeat what you said?”  In my home area of Southern Indiana, “please” was simply a proper way to ask a favor of someone. 

Don’t assume a word has only one meaning.  Engage others in a friendly discussion about the multiple meanings of certain words.  See how many meanings you can list for a particular word.  A good word to start this exercise might be “strike.”  Another is “fast.” What other words have multiple meanings? 

I Wanted to Cry!

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          My favorite annual sporting event is the Indianapolis 500. Everyone in the family knows not to bother me from 12:15 to about 3:30 on the Sunday afternoon of Memorial Day week-end, because I'm glued to the television watching THE race. Yesterday afternoon was an exciting race. There were many lead changes and no one seemed to have the dominant car this year. The last lap had a rookie leading the race—an incredible achievement for a rookie to win the Indy 500. Only eight rookies have won in the hundred years of the race. JR Hildebrand, with a four-second lead,  was one turn away from winning the Indianapolis 500 when he skidded high into the wall on the final turn and Dan Wheldon drove past to win. It was Wheldon's second time to win the Indy 500, but the first time he was in the lead in this race.

          Now think about this. Hildebrand had already successfully negotiated that turn 199 times in the race. This time he was leading the race. There was no traffic nearby. The checkered flag was moments away and he lost control going into the last turn.

          His did not lose a tire. His steering did not break. The car was mechanically sound. He simply did not pay careful enough attention to something he had done nearly 200 times earlier in the afternoon. Maybe he was thinking about the bottle of milk awaiting the winner in Victory Lane. Maybe he was already counting the huge sum of money the winner would take home. But he wasn't paying careful attention and he crashed. I couldn't believe what I saw on the screen! I wanted to cry! I couldn't bear to watch him climb out of the car.

          Another sad story to add to my collection about what happens when you do not pay attention. Most of our paying attention mistakes are less public and less costly. Remind yourself at the start of each day:  pay attention. According to Winifred Gallagher, in RAPT: Attention and the Focused Life, by simply paying attention to your food and eating it slowly, you can cut 67 calories from each dinner and seven pounds in a year.

          Gift cards are a great boon to retailers and restaurants. The reason? People forget about them and don’t use them. We don't pay attention! According to Tower Group, a consulting firm, nearly 5 billion in gift cards will go unused this year. No wonder we see so many advertisements for gift cards.

          Don't miss out on life simply because you are not really present when you are present. As I quote in “Be Present When You Are Present,” Ray LeBlond said, “You learn something every day if you pay attention." And, I would add, you won't lose a career auto race!

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor Emeritus of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. Visit his website, http://sboyd.com, to read other valuable articles on effective speaking and listening.

Winning Over Your Audience

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One of the basics of effective public speaking is to identify with your audience by referring to something that connects you with them. This might be a positive experience you had in their city previously, or a friend who hails from their town. But an even more effective way might be to mention something about their city, company, or community that they don’t even know.

For example, I made a less than positive remark to a friend about the city he had moved to when he left the Cincinnati area—the small city of Kokomo, Indiana, population 46,315.

I received an email from him recently in which he sought to enhance the image of the city in my mind by noting that it is known as the “city of firsts.”  He then proceeded to mention several of them:   the first canned tomato juice, the first push-button car radio, and the first all-transistor car radio.

There will usually be some piece of history or a certain trait of the town that few if any of the audience would know. With access to a wealth of information on any subject on the internet, you can quickly identify the community you are speaking in and a piece of information that will be likely to impress the audience with your understanding of your location.

Before the 1960s, my home town of Bedford, Indiana, was known as the “limestone capital of the world.” You may even have a building in your city made out of Bedford stone. Being a stonecutter is not as important as it once was, so even a citizen of that community might not know that impressive designation.

What are unique or little-known facts about your town? 

Get Information Before You Give Information

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A way to improve immediately the quality of your communication is to get information before you give information. Here is the way this technique works.

When you are asked a question, before giving an answer, follow instead with a question seeking more information. For example, I was visiting a colleague in his office when a student came in asking if he could make up a test he had missed.

Instead of directly answering the question, my friend said, "Did you miss any other classes on the day you missed mine?" The question startled the student because this response was not what he expected. I could tell he wasn't ready to answer the question. Haltingly he admitted that he had missed my friend's class to study for another test. This added information affected how my friend counseled the student about making up the test. As I recall, he allowed him to do so but with a grade penalty.

Someone asks for directions to a popular shopping mall. Before answering, I may ask, “What time of day do you plan to go?” Since the time of day determines traffic patterns, I might recommend a different way if the trip is during rush hour traffic versus a one o'clock destination time.

A friend asks for a restaurant recommendation for dinner. Before answering, ask if there is a ceiling on how much he is willing to pay. That answer will help determine what restaurants you recommend.

Thus the quality of communication improves when you seek more information in order to give a more specific or accurate answer.

What are good follow-up questions you use to get more information before answering the original question? 

Let Me Summarize…

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Horseracing at Keeneland near Lexington, Kentucky, brings great excitement to the region. An important part of every race is a summary of how each horse placed. At the end of a race, people wait to see the replay or summary of the race. The board will show the unofficial results, and then soon after the official ones. If the race is close, the finish will be replayed in slow motion so observers can see how close their horse came to winning, or that he won by a hair. Between races there may be a replay or summary of the race several times.

The summary is important in many areas of life. Certainly a fan in most sports will look for a summary of the games or races the day after the event. April, for example, brings to the daily sports section of a newspaper the box scores of all the baseball games played the previous day.

To summarize your life in daily increments is a good way to keep track of what you have done and seen. For example, I keep up-to-date a summary of books read and movies seen for the year. This habit helps me pay attention to what I have already read or seen so I won't mistakenly start to read the same book a couple of years later, for example. Whatever your career, from teaching to driving a truck, summarizing is a helpful tool to do your job well. Contact me from my website for a copy of “Reflect and Improve: Instructional Development Through a Teaching Journal,” by Josh Boyd and me.

Take a moment each evening to summarize your day. This may motivate you to keep track of dates and events you want to remember. If you are not sure when something happened, you might look through your summaries of those days. If your work includes meeting with clients regularly, in order to pay careful attention to each, take a moment after a meeting to summarize the appointment and when you need to contact him or her again.

An important part of any presentation is to summarize near the end. When you say, "In conclusion…,” the audience will pay closer attention, listening for you to replay your main points and remembering key ideas from the speech.

When I know I am going to write it down at the end of the day, I pay better attention to my daily activities. What are some techniques you use to remember the important events of each day? 

Is Yours a Tape Measure Homerun?

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Mickey Mantle is my all time favorite athlete. Each time he went to bat, we had the same feeling Reds fans have today when Aroldis Chapman comes in to pitch. Now we think, "How many pitches will top a 100 miles an hour?" With Mantle we thought, "Can Mantle hit another ‘tape measure homerun?’”

The term "tape measure homerun” comes from a homerun Mickey Mantle hit on April 17, 1953, at Griffith Stadium in Washington, D. C. A public relations person for the New York Yankees, Red Patterson measured and found that the ball traveled 585 feet. He then called it a "tape measure homerun.” The term stuck for any long homerun. Mantle later said that the only reason people remember that homerun over the other homeruns he hit was because "Red Patterson attached a number to it," as told in The Last Boy by Jane Leavy.

A point from this story is that people remember specifics; specifics give people direction and focus. Whether delivering a speech or talking to a person over coffee, be specific.  When giving instructions to an employee or a child for a task deadline, don't say, "Do it soon," or “Clean your room.” Say "I want this to be in by 4:30 tomorrow afternoon," or, “Put away all your clothes and books that are on the floor and bed.” When someone asks for directions, don't just give the address; say, "This building is next to Frisch's on Central Parkway a few blocks from the entrance to I-74 West." 

Specifics are important in most actions in life. For example, always know how long you can speak before delivering your presentation. Whether I’m giving “High Bid,” or “Be Present When You are Present,” or a presentation skills workshop, I make a point to end 2-3 minutes before the end of my allotted time. Regard for what I am saying wanes quickly if I run overtime, but ending a bit early leaves everyone on a high note.

Also, keep track of the time when you are meeting someone to discuss a matter. That person may have planned on a brief lunch and not have time for a leisurely afternoon discussion. Be specific when making such plans.

You can immediately improve the quality of your communication in a speech or conversation by adding specificity. So instead of saying, "I'll have another blog entry soon."  I'm going to end with "Look for my next blog entry by the afternoon of Monday, April 18.”