I am a firm believer in taking advantage of OPE—other people’s experience. Find someone who does well what you want to be able to do and "pick" that person’s brain. Take her to lunch or ride with him on a trip. I've done this several times and have found the experience to be invaluable. I have learned from a variety of such mentors.

An important mentor in my life, however, is one I never met. I first was introduced to him through his cassette tapes, long before disc players and MP3s. His ideas and experiences about any number of things I have heard multiple times and have put into practice. His name was Jim Rohn; he passed away a few months ago.

I learned many speaking principles, especially how to use the voice, in listening to his speeches and tapes. For example, no one could use the pause better than Jim. Just when he was coming to a punch line or important principle, he would pause; as the listener, I waited with great anticipation. He articulated distinctly and never ran his words together, no matter how excited he became. His words and tone were pleasing to the ear.

I learned the power of stories through his speeches. No one could describe a scene better than Jim Rohn. He knew how to set the stage before going to the heart of the story. You felt like you were there with him.  Listening to his stories is like listening to your favorite songs:  you look forward to certain phrases or details even though you have heard them many times.

But probably what made Jim Rohn most memorable are his ideas. No speaker that I have listened to has more quotable thoughts than Mr. Rohn. Here are a few of my favorites:

   "Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better." 

   "Don't just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it."

   "Formal education will earn you a living. Self education will earn you a fortune."

   "A rose on time is more valuable than a $1,000 gift too late."

   "Be aware of what you become in pursuit of what you want."

   "Don't learn to get through the day. Learn to get from the day."

   "Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well."

Some of his recommendations are staples in my daily living. For example, he said, "Keep an idea book."  I'm on my l5th idea book. He said, "Take lots of pictures."  I carry a camera with me wherever I go. I have some awesome photographs because I had a camera when an unexpected event occurred. For example, I had never seen a double rainbow, but now I have that image in this photograph. He said, “Pay attention—don't miss anything.” One of my favorite topics for an after-dinner speech is on paying attention—“Be Present When You Are Present.” For more Jim Rohn insights, go to http://jimrohn.com.

When you seem stuck in what you are thinking or doing, pick a new direction. Then find a mentor to assist and guide you. And it might even be someone you never meet.

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

A group of third graders were on a field day trip to the local police station and the sergeant in charge was taking them through the facility. They toured the jail and inspected one of the cells. Then they examined the board where the Most Wanted pictures were posted and said, "These are the people we are looking  for that belong in there," pointing to the jail. One of the third graders raised his hand and said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?" 

  Children in their innocence often go right to the heart of the matter with a question. When you ask the right question, effective communication occurs. Sometimes the right answer comes when you are two or three questions deep in the conversation. Get information before you give information. Don't be afraid to follow up one question with another.

  In most conversations you want to ask open questions rather than closed questions. Several closed questions may seem more like an interrogation to the person who has been asked the questions, whereas a well-placed open question will allow the person to give you in-depth information without feeling grilled. Instead of only asking, "What is your occupation?" add, "What are some of your professional experiences that have led you to where you are today?" 

  Avoid questions that can place the other person on the defensive such as "Shouldn't you be spending more time on this project in order to get it done on time?"  Don't begin a question with "Couldn't," "shouldn't," or "wouldn't."  Instead you might ask, "What are some things we can do to get the project finished on time?" 

  Don't be afraid to ask questions. You have probably been in a situation where you are a part of a group discussion. The speaker says something that is unclear but none of the rest of the group says anything. You don't ask the question because you feel you are the only one who does not understand and you don't want to embarrass yourself. If you finally get the courage to ask, then you find out no one else understood either. Remember that the only dumb question is the one not asked.

  Sometimes you don't ask for something because you assume the answer will be no. For example, don't take a given fee as the lowest possible price. When you are given a dollar amount for a hotel room, ask "Is that your lowest price?"  Or when you order a pizza, instead of asking for the pizza you want, begin with "What specials do you have tonight?"  All kinds of clichés come to mind with this action, such as "You never know until you ask," and "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

  When you ask questions you are gaining information that can be helpful to you in myriad ways. As Voltaire stated, "When you listen, you have power. When you talk, you give it away."  

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

Driving the interstates in winter can be boring when you are on level land with typical Midwest harvested cornfields stretching out for miles beyond you.  I’ve discovered a way to keep my mind on the road area when the boredom begins to set in.

I watch for red-tailed hawks perched on fence posts or tree branches that sometimes line the highway.  In listening to a speech about the red-tailed hawk, I  learned that they are often found on a low-hanging branch or fence post in the winter time looking for prey, such as mice and other rodents, on the ground below them.  They are so still as they watch that you will typically not see them unless you look closely for their statue-like appearance on a post or branch. 

  At first I was skeptical because I had never seen one near a highway in all my years of driving. Once I began looking, I found that there are such birds on fence posts!  I was amazed.  In fact, I travel I-74 from Cincinnati to Indianapolis often and I will average seeing two red-tailed hawks for each 100 miles of driving in January and February.

  Focusing on watching for this bird keeps me alert and my eyes focused on the highway.  Knowing what to pay attention to can enhance our quality of life.  As Julia Cameron said, “The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.”

Paying attention is always difficult for me. For example, I'm the one in our house who does the laundry. For years, I have simply filled the cap of the detergent bottle and poured it into the washer, oblivious to the fact (and directions on the container) that you fill the cup to different levels depending on the size of the load. My son pointed out this error of my ways when he—also the laundry person in his house—figured this out a few days ago.

    In just the past couple of years did I discover that you can tell on a rental car (or any car for that matter) which side your gas cap is on without getting out of the car to look. There is always on the dashboard an arrow on the gas gauge pointing to the appropriate side, or the icon of the gas pump will have the handle on the side the cap is on. That certainly saves time and embarrassment as I hurriedly fill my gas tank before returning the car to the rental agency so I can catch my plane. One of my new mantras is, "Pay attention, Steve, pay attention." 

   Often a person says too much instead of too little. For example, a little boy went to his mother and asked a question. She said, "Why don't you go ask your dad?"  His response: "I don't want to know that much about it." 
   In a variety of communication situations, less is better. For example, if you are using a PowerPoint presentation, don't put 50 words on a slide. A PowerPoint slide is not the place to include the script of your message. Instead, create bulleted slides. A good reminder is the 6 by 6 rule:  no more than six words in a line and six lines on a slide. That will insure that you give more information than the audience will see on the slide. You remain necessary. Otherwise, your PowerPoint gives the whole message in a boring and tedious manner.
  Don't give a lengthy answer to a "yes" or "no" question. When a person asks you a "yes" or "no" question, a "yes" or "no" is all the person is asking for. You can give a 30- second message when a question begins with  "What do you think…" "How do you feel…" or "How do you…?" 
   If you are speaking impromptu, don't say too much. A couple of minutes is probably enough to relate your opinion or directions that you have not thought through before beginning to speak. The longer you speak the more likely you will be to make a statement that you regret. In addition, the longer you speak impromptu the more likely you will be to start to ramble.
   When you are near the end of a twenty-minute presentation and you realize you have another five minutes of excellent material, don't keep talking. Go to your conclusion and sit down. The audience will never know what excellent material you had yet to cover and will think you are a well-organized and effective speaker because you finished on time. 
    When introducing a speaker, keep your thoughts under two minutes. Remember that you are not the headliner; the audience came to hear the person you are introducing, not you. This is not the place for a joke or what happened to you on the way to the auditorium. Tell the subject of the presentation, why the audience should listen, and what qualifies the speaker on that particular topic for that audience. Finally, give the speaker's name with enthusiasm and sit down.
   When Calvin Coolidge was president he was known for his frugality of words. His wife Grace told about a young woman sitting next to Coolidge at a dinner party. She confided to him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly responded, "You lose."  Often it is not the length, but the conciseness with which you speak that makes the message have meaning.

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

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We make New Year's resolutions about our careers, our eating habits, or our exercise. Let's make 2010 resolutions about our communication!
    First, think before you speak. Often we offend someone, make an irrelevant comment, or state an idea that makes no sense simply because we don't think before we speak. We need to put into practice the Chinese proverb, "From listening comes wisdom and from speaking comes repentance." Often listening one additional sentence can be very wise. Brooke Shields would probably like to take back this statement from an anti-smoking campaign interview: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Or former Washington, D. C., Mayor Marion Barry, who said, "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
    Second, listen more than you talk. We should resolve to spend less than 50% of our communication time in talking. When you find yourself talking too much, simply turn your comment into a question. Instead of saying, "This is going to be one of our coldest winters, " say, "What do you think about the extremely cold weather we have been having?"  Then continue making your point after the person answers the question—unless that person's comment made your point better than you would have. Then you can move on to another topic.
    Third, don't substitute technology for important one-on-one conversation. Remember to call on your technical skills when dealing with things and your interpersonal skills when dealing with people. Resigning from an important committee via email, for example, is likely to alienate the other committee members and lead to a more difficult transition period. The personal touch is important when dealing with personal matters.   Don't email or text a message if your recipient would respond better to a personal phone call or a discussion over coffee.
    Fourth, say your message in a positive way. People understand positive messages easier and more quickly than negative messages. For example, often you need to respond to a customer's request even when the request is out of line. Instead of saying, "I'm not sure we can do that," say, "I'll be happy to check on that for you." Simple changes such as "challenge" instead of "problem" can improve the positive nature of your ideas. (I'm still trying to convince my students that a test is really a golden opportunity.)
    Finally, make your point quickly and concisely. You know people who will give a long response to a "yes" or "no" question. Don't speak 30 words when three words will suffice. President Warren G. Harding was said to have had this problem. William Gibbs McAdoo called his speeches, "…an army of pompous phrases moving across the landscape in search of an idea." 
    Let's adjust our approach to speaking in 2010 by putting into practice what T. S. Eliot wrote: "For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice." 

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

The sage who said, "The only reason we listen is because we know we get to talk next” made a valid point. The skill to listen well, however, is one of the most important elements to a successful career. A. G. Lafley, CEO of Procter & Gamble for 9 years, was once asked this question from a new employee in an orientation meeting: "What is the key to your success?"  His response: "I think I am a good listener." 

We are so easily distracted as we respond to our cell phones, emails, or text messages that we miss what people are saying. We must find ways to pay attention. Let's face it—we must be present when we are present. A major way to “be present when you are present” is to improve your listening skills. Here are some tips on improving your listening today in order to pay better attention. 

    Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.