Monthly Archives: June 2014

The Wandering Mind

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Drake Baer, in an article titled “The Science Behind Why Your Mind Keeps Wandering,” begins with this exercise. “Count your exhalations-1, 2, 3-all the way to 10. See if you can get to 10 without thinking about lunch or laundry or deadline or dates.” It’s hard to do. We have problems in focusing our attention on what is being said.

Part of the problem is that we think four or five times faster than a person can talk. Thus we have all of this extra thinking time. As a result, our minds wander. Often the talker can tell that we are not with him or her mentally by the glazed look or eyes darting to movement in the surrounding area. This is insulting to the person talking and can affect your credibility.

Here are some techniques for focusing your attention on what the speaker is saying.

Change your physical position. You might lean forward or cross your legs or rearrange your body so that you are sitting at a different angle toward the speaker.

A tip that may seem obvious is to look at the person speaking. Concentrating on what is being said is much harder if you are gazing into space, even if you are trying to listen.

Another way to focus is to think of a question to ask about the topic. Even if you don’t ask the question, just thinking of one will help you stay alert to the content of the conversation.

Choose a mantra that will remind you to pay attention to the speaker. Such self -admonitions as “Pay attention,” or “What is his point?” or “Concentrate on her idea” can help. Using words that stress focusing on the message will make less likely a wandering mind.

Finally, listen to summarize at times during the conversation. When the person finishes his or her thought, begin with, “What I hear you saying is…” or “Let me make sure I understand…” With this challenge in your mind, you can apply self-discipline to pay attention.

I am guilty of this listening problem. My wife will call my attention to this weakness when she suddenly stops talking and says, “Now Steve, tell me what I just said.” Most of the time I cannot do that because I have not been focusing on her message.

So I will remind myself of the suggestions in this article and do better at avoiding her penetrating challenge.

Watch Your Language

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Recently I read an article about the use of profanity in a presentation. Both sides of the issue were pursued and explained. In addition to my own personal beliefs, I’ve seen negative audience reactions over the years to many speakers who used profanity. Thus I believe that profanity should never be used.

In a speech, you cannot control many variables, such as current events, context in which the audience hears you, and time of day. You can control, however, your use of language. Do not take a chance of offending an audience member by using profanity. One wise mentor once said to me, “Remember, Steve, in an audience of 100 people at least one person is just waiting to be offended.” Don’t make it easy for them to be offended by using swear words.

The speaker reveals the low quality of his or her vocabulary by using profanity. My observation of the language of people who use profanity is that they are either lazy in seeking to find the right words or have a limited vocabulary. Neither trait is complimentary.

The use of “the f word” is always distracting. When you hear the word in a professional context, it seems jarring and out of place. The listener may lose his or her train of thought and have a hard time getting back on track with the speaker’s point.

Watching our language also includes correct grammar. I find many speakers have trouble with when to use “me” and “I”. If you’d like guidance on that one, see my wife’s blog post, “Grammar Police,” starting at the ninth paragraph down.

Another language issue is using a plural verb with a singular noun or vice versa. This is most often when a prepositional phrase with a plural object is used after a singular subject. For example, “The group of children was eager to begin eating” is correct because group was is correct, even though the children were no doubt eager to eat.

Finally, correct pronunciation of words—especially proper nouns-is essential. Few mistakes are more embarrassing than mispronouncing the name of the CEO, or the company, or even the city in which you are speaking. For example, in Indiana Lafayette is pronounced “lah-fay-ET,” while in Tennessee Lafayette is pronounced “lah-FAY-et.” Woe to the credibility of the speaker who confuses the two!

Still one of my favorite jokes of all time (and it still gets a laugh) is about the couple arguing whether Versailles, Indiana, should be “ver-sails” or “ver-sigh.” The couple stops at the drive through of a fast food restaurant to settle the correct pronunciation of the city. The husband asked the lady at the drive-through window, “Could you tell me very slowly where we are right now?” The lady answers, “Dai—ry—-Queen.”

The quality of your speech depends not only on the ideas you present, but the language you use to present them.

Listen First

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A communication principle that I have a hard time adhering to is “listen first.” I can’t wait to start talking, and I sometimes pay the consequences. When we listen first, we can sense the direction of the conversation. If we listen for a while, not only do we figure out the topic, but we also discover if the conversation is congenial or adversarial . By what is said, we can tell pretty quickly who has the most knowledge on the topic.

If we are meeting someone for the first time, by listening first, we obtain background information which will help us enter the conversation smoothly. For example, I was attending a visitation period for the deceased mother of Connie, one of the members where I preach. Since I knew none of her 13 brothers and sisters, Connie, wanting to help me out said, “This is my father,” and pointed to an elderly gentlemen nearby. I walked over to him and in my best sincere and pious manner said, “Hi, I’m Steve Boyd and I am the minster where Al and Connie worship. I’m glad to meet you and I’m so sorry about the death of your wife.” He looked at me kind of strangely, then down at the ground, and said, “Oh, we have been divorced 30 or 40 years.” Stunned by my faux pas, I could do nothing but stand silently, which is what I should have done first.

We can certainly be involved in a conversation without talking. Nodding our heads, smiling, and leaning toward the person who is speaking are all ways to be engaged without speaking.

If we are in a business context, we can prepare for a conversation by learning ahead of time the names and positions of people who will be in the meeting. For example, recently I was addressing a health care association. I had been working with their public relations person to prepare for the presentation. In our conversations, he had mentioned the name of the executive director, a key person in having the annual conference. Fortunately, when she introduced herself to me, I could respond by expressing my appreciation for the invitation to speak.

We have all embarrassed ourselves by speaking when we should have been listening. We can avoid many of these situations by listening first and speaking second.

Effective Presentations More Than Skill

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Though hard for a speech trainer to admit, one trait that is as important as speaking skills is credibility. I’ve heard speakers who had terrible speaking skills, yet they had rapt attention from their audience because of what they had accomplished in their lives. We are concerned with what a person is as well as his or her ability to speak.

I have listened to very poor speakers who received standing ovations because of their past actions and their instant connections with their audience. For example, in the late sixties Eric Hoffer was a popular speaker on the college circuit. He was a self-educated author who wrote a popular book on mass movements called The True Believer. He spoke at Appalachian State University when I was an instructor there. He did all the wrong things as a speaker: he was disorganized, was improperly dressed for the occasion, made no eye contact, and spoke in a monotone voice. Yet when he finished, he received a standing ovation that continued for several seconds. His reputation as a writer and social philosopher preceded him. His credibility won over the audience.

John McCain, shot down in 1967 over enemy territory during the Vietnam War, spent over six years as a POW. He is recognized as one of the great war heroes of our time. He is a boring speaker, but he has influence when he speaks because of his background. He has been Senator from Arizona since 1986, winning reelection four times.

Ted Kennedy, because of the Chappaquiddick tragedy in 1969, ruined his chances to become President even though he was an excellent speaker. Not reporting a fatal accident for ten hours seemed unforgiveable by the public. The classic example of destroyed credibility is President Richard Nixon who resigned because of his misdeeds in the White House. The Watergate scandal sealed his doom. He no longer had the trust of the American people.

Most recently, consider Maya Angelou, who died last Wednesday. Though she did not have a college degree, her writing accomplishments and life achievements granted her the credibility to be honored internationally. A high point of her career was reciting her poem, “On the Pulse of Morning,” at the inauguration of President Bill Clinton in 1993. Her credibility brought sell-out crowds to hear her speak. After I mentioned her in a recent speech, a woman in the audience came up and said, “I just loved to hear her speak.”

The lesson for us as speakers is to live lives that reinforce the ideas we stand for. Those who report to us must know us as honest, fair, and moral people. Our presentations will have more impact and can even overcome some of our weaknesses as speakers when our audience members see us as credible sources.

Edward R Murrow, noted journalist in World War II and into the 1960s, said, “To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful. It is as simple as that.”