Monthly Archives: April 2012

The “Cocktail-Party Effect

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‘I realize I just posted a newsletter on Monday, but the lead article in the “Personal Journal” section of the Wall Street Journal yesterday is so in tune with what I teach in my “Be Present When You Are Present” speech that I simply have to talk about it! “What Cocktail Parties Teach Us” includes data on attentiveness and the lack of it, along with the negative effects of multi-tasking. The article makes the point that only 2.5% of people can multitask efficiently, though many more think they can. Below is a section from the article.

These findings, published in the journal Nature last week, underscore why people aren”t very good at multitasking—our brains are wired for “selective attention” and can focus on only one thing at a time. That innate ability has helped humans survive in a world buzzing with visual and auditory stimulation. But we keep trying to push the limits with multitasking, sometimes with tragic consequences. Drivers talking on cellphones, for example, are four times as likely to get into traffic accidents as those who aren”t.

Many of those accidents are due to “inattentional blindness,” in which people can, in effect, turn a blind eye to things they aren”t focusing on. Images land on our retinas and are either boosted or played down in the visual cortex before being passed to the brain, just as the auditory cortex filters sounds, as shown in the Nature study last week. “It”s a push-pull relationship—the more we focus on one thing, the less we can focus on others,” says Diane M. Beck, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Illinois.

So I hope you get to read that article. Perhaps “inattentional blindness” is a problem in your organization. If you get from it a sense that your employees—or yourself—need training in paying attention, give us a call (800.727.6520) to talk about how I can help your employees to be more effective by paying attention.To comment, click here.

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

Personalizing Humor

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When I talk about humor, I make the point that humor should not be used to poke fun at other people; you should only make fun of yourself. But an exception to the rule is if your task is to “roast” someone whom you are honoring for his or her accomplishments. An effective way to do this in a non-insulting way is to personalize a joke. Let me give you a couple of examples.

A couple called a neighbor to extend birthday wishes. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” into the telephone. Once they had finished their off-key rendition, they discovered they had the wrong number.

“Don’t let it bother you,” said the stranger. “You folks sure can use the practice.” You could easily substitute the family of the subject of your roast and this would especially be appropriate if your friend is known as one who could not carry a tune.

Milton Berle was being interviewed by Bob Costas and told this story. Berle visited a nursing home and asked a little old lady, “Do you know who I am?”

The lady looked up at Milton and replied, “No, but if you’ll go to the front desk, they can tell you.” This story would be especially pertinent at a retirement dinner.

In each of these jokes, the making-fun-of-a-person part is addressing a class of people, not a trait unique to that individual. You refer to people who can’t carry a tune when they sing and to the forgetfulness of older people in general. In addition, the jokes deal with commonplace situations which all of us have been in ourselves. You are not making fun of a big nose or a bald head or the crooked teeth of a specific individual.

To prepare, check with others who know the person well to get their opinion on whether the joke would be offensive to the person(s) involved.

Remember that the safest kind of “poking fun” is at yourself. For example, I often open a presentation by telling how my daughter identified me to a friend as “the man with the crooked teeth.” That introduces my story of getting braces at age 46 and what it was like wearing braces at the same time as my 11-year-old daughter. People smile and chuckle and I have fun at my own expense.

My crooked finger is always a source of laughter to my audience because I have a sense of humor about it. The inconveniences are obvious, so I relate the advantages: drinking my tea properly, pointing around corners, and counting fractions on my fingers.

Steve counts four and a half

Most of us can always find something to poke fun at about ourselves, and in so doing we better relate to our audiences.

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor Emeritus of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

Treating Humans in a Human Way

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A way we can connect with other people is simply to speak to them. Whether friend or stranger, offering a pleasant greeting can make a difference in the attitudes fo both of you for the day.

I walk the streets of my city early in the morning. Few others are out walking or jogging at 5:00 a.m., and they are usually the same people day after day. I speak to everyone I meet—even in darkness.

One person, however, never returns the greeting, and she has been jogging almost daily for over a year. Her ignoring my greeting is somewhat disconcerting, and I see this as a challenge. Some days I change the tone of the greeting simply to see if that might make a difference. On days when it is daylight, I smile and use what I consider a pleasant tone of voice. Nothing has worked. Few things are more insulting than being ignored when you speak to someone. Common courtesy is not always common.

When I walk down a sidewalk and get a pleasant “hello” and a smile in return to my greeting, I have a little more of a spring in my step. Adrian Mitchell says it well: “I want to speak, to sing to total strangers. It’s my way of talking to the world.”

In Cincinnati, several homeless people hold brown cardboard signs asking for money. I’ve never been comfortable with ignoring them, and yet I also wonder if they really are incapable of earning a living and getting on in life. A few years ago I made a decision: I would give each one a dollar. More recently, I decided I would speak, ask their names, shake hands, and wish them well. I’m not sure this has helped them, but this action has certainly enhanced my day.

The responses I receive are varied. Most have a startled look because they are used to being ignored. Ty was a diabetic and needed money for food to avoid getting sick. Jesse wanted to know where I lived. Jake wanted to know my name and had me repeat it. Most smile as I leave.

Whether you greet people in your neighborhood or speak to strangers down on their luck, you will not regret treating humans with grace and respect. As Francis Bacon wrote, “If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.”

Let’s March!

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There are many ways to persuade someone to take action. You may recall the old story about a party on an elegant cruise yacht when a lady fell overboard. Immediately an 80-year-old man jumped in the water and rescued her. Party goers pulled them both out of the water. The captain was grateful as well as astonished that the old man performed such an act of bravery.

That night a banquet was given in honor of the elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award and was asked to say a few words. He said, “First of all, I’d like to know who pushed me!” That is probably not the best technique to move people to action. We all have to persuade at times. Here are less drastic ways to motivate people to take action.

Be organized. Audience members listen better and will stay with your line of reasoning when they can easily follow the structure of your speech. An effective method is to state your main idea and then follow with three or four main points. Develop each point with relevant evidence and then finish with a move-to-action ending.

Show how what you are advocating works elsewhere. We use this technique in casual conversation such as “We went to see the Hunger Games and it was even better than the book. You have to go to the movie, too.” In a speech you might say “This program has really helped the D J Widget Company and I know will do the same for your company.”

Use testimony from experts the audience respects. This requires knowing the expertise of the audience members and whom they respect as sources for evidence. One of the reasons presidents from both parties will quote Abraham Lincoln is that he has credibility with everyone. If you are speaking to a group of basketball coaches or players, quoting Tom Izzo or John Calipari will enhance the point you are making.

Finally, don’t rely only on logic. There must also be feeling and emotion in the content of the presentation. One of the best ways to accomplish this is to include stories. Stories provide the emotional power to drive the logical aspects home to the audience. If you are persuading the audience to give to United Way, find a story of someone who has been helped by United Way and share it. Make people understand why to give but also feel that that their gifts make a difference.

You can deliver an effective presentation and people may leave impressed with your ability and yet not be persuaded. It was said of Cicero that when people heard him, they turned to one another and said, “Great speech.” But when Demosthenes spoke, people turned to one another and said, “Let’s march.” If you follow these principles you are more likely to get people to march!

Oops! Did I Really Say That?

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A few days ago, the media played and replayed a private moment that was not so private. A “hot” microphone caught this statement by President Obama to Russian President Dmitri Medvedev: “This is my last election,” the President said. “After my election, I have more flexibility,” in reference to a missile deal.

We have all had an “oops” in our communication with others. You may have, as my wife did, asked a woman, “When is your baby due?” when the woman was not pregnant.

I remember at a little league baseball game saying to a white-haired man about a little boy he had brought to the game, “Is he your grandson?”

“No,” he said, “he is my son.”

Countless times I have mispronounced students’ names even after they have told me more than once the correct pronunciation. As I give these examples, you may be developing your own list of “oops.”

So what can we do to avoid the “oops” in our communication time? First, think through what you are going to say before you speak. This line from a fortune cookie is good advice: “From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.” All of us have spoken when we should have been quiet one sentence longer.

Don’t talk unless you have something to add to the conversation. Listening will allow you time to think and assimilate information so when you do speak your words will have more impact. A common sense reason to listen more is that you will have less opportunity to say something you will regret. The more you talk, the greater the chances are that you will deliver an “oops.”

Anticipate “oops” opportunities. For example, if the President had checked the microphone himself, he would have avoided his faux pas. Develop your own personal checklist. If you are delivering a speech, check yourself in the mirror just prior to speaking the make sure all clothing is in place and personal grooming is as you wish it. Don’t make it difficult for the audience to pay attention to your words because your mascara is smudged, or your tie is crooked, or there is a crumb at the corner of your mouth.

Check the pronunciation of the name of the organization, CEO, person being honored, or any other proper noun you will use in your speech.

Before going into a meeting, go over the agenda or talk to someone who may be more connected to the meeting content; review what will be covered. Find out who will be present and consider topics to be discussed that might offend or make people unnecessarily defensive. Ponder the best way to speak your views and offend as few as possible.

Other Presidents have had their own gaffes involving the Russians. During a microphone check for a radio address on public schools in 1984, President Ronald Reagan decided to have a little fun. “My fellow Americans,” he said, “I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” The audio got out to the media and, since it was near the end of the Cold War, his Soviet counterparts were not amused.

So even as we anticipate opportunities to avoid our own “oops” moments, we can still be entertained by those of others. What can you share here about your own “oops” experiences? Do you know another Presidential example?

Mastermind Meanderings

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For the past ten years I have been a part of a mastermind group. We meet for a half day about every six weeks in each other’s homes. The purpose of the group is to discuss our speaking businesses and encourage and give advice in what we can do to increase business or run our offices more efficiently

The speaking business is a lonely business even though we may be in front of several hundred people in any given week. We travel alone, we often eat alone, and we may be away from home on a regular basis. So the chance to meet with other speakers is a way to regroup and recharge our batteries.

You do not have to be speakers to have a mastermind group. You need a few people whom you trust explicitly and for whom you have great respect to share ideas on a regular basis. Probably no more than five should be in your group in order for each person to be heard and opinions to be expressed. The time we spend together is not only about business, but the discussions often include seeking advice on personal matters and sharing ideas on child-rearing or vacation plans.

To make this special group work, you need to be consistent in meeting on a regular basis. Don’t let any other activity interfere with your meeting date. Our only exception is if one of us lands a speaking gig for that date! Even then, if you cancel you are responsible for setting up the new meeting date.

An agenda is sent out a few days in advance of the meeting by the person who is hosting. The topics can be of that person’s choosing. Usually one part of the agenda is a new technique or idea that can be helpful in our businesses, and we always include time for personal sharing. For example, at our last few meetings a topic of discussion was how we can use social media to make our businesses more profitable.

The host is responsible for a meal—usually breakfast. Occasionally we will reserve a room at a local restaurant instead of meeting in our homes.

After a speech, we’ll recommend the other two for next year’s event if we feel there might be a match. Since each person’s area of expertise is different we don’t compete for the same business.

At Christmas, we meet to celebrate and usually take the afternoon and much of the evening. For this gathering, we don’t discuss business. We’ll each choose a restaurant so that we have different parts of the meal at different restaurants. Joan Fox, John Wagner, and I enjoy being together even without discussing business.

You may belong to a variety of groups and think that the last thing you need in your busy world is to join another group. But I encourage you to belong to one more group—a mastermind. As Margaret Meade wrote, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor Emeritus of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.