Monthly Archives: November 2010

Enjoy the Day!

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As I was looking through costumes in a department store two days before Halloween, Christmas music was playing on their sound system. This morning, ten days before Thanksgiving, I saw a brightly-lit Christmas tree as I walked in the early morning darkness.

I can remember when we saw nothing about Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, my mother always spent the day after Thanksgiving putting up Christmas decorations. I certainly enjoy the Christmas holiday season, but I like to observe it in season, not when another special day is approaching.

I hear my graduating seniors say, "I can't wait until I finish this semester; I am so tired of school. I can't wait to get out and get a job."  Or you may hear a fellow employee say, "I need a vacation so much. I can't wait until the holiday weekend." 

Instead of wishing time away or skipping one special day to get to another, let's enjoy each day as it comes. Live the present to the fullest. Get all you can out of today.

I remember a student who moved his chair almost to my desk and I kept bumping his chair as I moved around the room. I suggested that he might want to have a little more personal space by moving back. His response was, “I came to college as a freshman ten years ago and I did not apply myself and flunked out. I now appreciate what a college education means and I am committed to get as much out of my education as possible. I sit in this spot in each class because I don't want to miss anything this time around." 

My guess is that some of your most memorable days in life have been those "normal" routine days when you gave your all to that day. I recall a presentation on one routine class day in the middle of the semester. A special needs student who could not move any part of his body below his neck gave a demonstration speech on "how to wiggle your ears."  That was a day I will never forget. Think what I would have missed in life if I had skipped that day!

When my son was not yet two, he and I went outdoors on a routine Sunday afternoon to enjoy the first signs of spring. Since he had learned to walk during the winter, it was his first opportunity to walk outdoors in warm weather. To enjoy that experience from a toddler's perspective was special.

I look forward to the holiday season in a few weeks. For right now, however, I'm excited about today!

The Eulogy

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               In one of Jerry Seinfeld's monologues, he said, "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." I want to help you avoid that kind of dread by providing some tips for delivering a eulogy easily and comfortably.

               Recently I was a part of a memorial service where there were four lay speakers. In recent years, friends and family members often speak at memorial services in addition to or instead of clergy. This is not an easy task and yet one which can lend much comfort to the family. The eulogy Edward Kennedy delivered for his brother, Robert, on June 8, 1968, is a most memorable eulogy of a famous person by a relative. You can watch that eulogy on YouTube.  But what about you, the average person, at a friend's memorial service?

               Your content should connect with whatever reason you were chosen to speak. Maybe you were a childhood friend, so you should relate to your experiences as youngsters. If you are a co-worker, then talk about your relationship in the work place. Include a specific story from your connections with the person you are remembering.

                Be upbeat in your comments. There is nothing wrong with relating a funny anecdote or an embarrassing moment involving the two of you. In fact, a bit of laughter is often exactly what is needed at that time. Remember that your words are to comfort the family and other friends. The fact that the person is no longer with you and there is a void because of this is obvious; don't belabor it.

               Keep your message short. Usually the non-clergy participants should speak no longer than five minutes. Brevity is especially important if there are several speakers. Tell your connection to the deceased, deliver your story, tell why the person will be remembered, and sit down.

               Write out your message. This is not the time to speak "off the cuff."  You want to use just the right words, so craft your message carefully. Enlist the help of others to read and comment on your remarks. For example, I wanted to describe the distinctive way this young man dressed, and after consulting with others I said this: "Marcus had a studied haphazardness about his appearance." That specific term was possible due to feedback from others in preparation and using a manuscript. The smiles and chuckles let me know that others related to that description.

               Writing out your message is also important because in such a situation there is a tendency to be overcome with emotion; paying attention to the words on a piece of paper can help to remove some of the emotional attachment you are sure to be feeling. If you do lose control, do not be embarrassed. Simply pause until you regain control and read on.
               On your manuscript, use lots of space and incorporate a font size of at least l6. Double-space so you can read and still look at the audience. Type only 2/3 down the page to insure that the audience will see your face and not the top of your head.

               Having delivered many eulogies and listened to others, I have a list of my favorite lines and readings to include in a eulogy. If you would like that list, simply email me from my Request Information form. In the Comments section, enter the word eulogy. My book, From Dull to Dynamic, also has an entire chapter on presenting eulogies.

               Now you have the basics on what to say and how to deliver a eulogy. Probably my favorite line about a eulogy comes from George Carlin, "I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

                   Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University, near Cincinnati. He presents keynotes and seminars to corporations and associations whose people want to speak and listen effectively. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com. To book Steve, call 800-727-6520 or email him through his website.

Making the Day Better

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In exploring Chillicothe a few weeks ago, we found the studio of graphic designer Dard Hunter. Among his many works, including his beautifully printed books, was this quotation from him:   "If I had life to live over, I would carry on exactly the same as I have done during my entire life, with one exception. In printing books I would try to print them better." 

That philosophy of making every day a quality day and every task a quality job can be applied in many ways. Don't just get through the day; make each day a special event. Be aware of what is happening around you. Pay attention to detail.

In the summer, don't just see the hummingbirds, but watch the two around the feeder compete for air space.

In January, don't just notice the bare branches on trees next to the interstate but watch for the red-tailed hawk sitting on the post waiting for his prey on the ground below. You may recall that I told about this in my February 10 blog post.

Focus on the unusual. Small popcorn boy On Halloween take a walk down the street to look for the unique costumes such as the adult dressed as Mother Teresa or the baby dressed as a bag of popcorn.

Go to an assisted living facility and ask at the desk for a patient who rarely receives a visit and go visit that person.

Humor writer and philosopher Erma Bombeck expressed her view of a quality day by writing,  "If I had my life to live over,  I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth….I would have cried and laughed less while watching television—and more while watching life." You can read her entire piece at http://www.kalimunro.com/If_I_Had_My_Life_To_Live_Over.html.