At my brother-in-law’s wedding, the maid of honor was exceptionally attractive. The best man was single. The bride’s name was Nancy and the maid of honor’s name was Eileen. When it came time for the toast, the best man was quite eloquent until he ended his congratulations to the happy couple by saying, “We toast you, Larry and Eileen!”  This brought hysterical laughter from everyone, and the best man never lived that embarrassing moment down. Incidentally, 30 years later, the best man is still single!    

          The toast is the perfect way to top off the celebration at a holiday banquet, reception, party, or gift exchange. If you have the opportunity to offer a toast, here are some suggestions to avoid the experience of that mortified best man.

          The word “toast” originated with the Romans, who browned their coarse bread in a fire. When the bread became too hard to chew, they soaked it in wine. The meaning of “Toast” expanded to include the drink in which the bread had been soaked and then the person in whose honor the drink was consumed. The toast is an affirmation of a person or event with words.

          Here is how to effectively toast. Offer the toast early in the celebration so that no one has had too much to drink. Make sure everyone has an appropriate glass and liquid to participate in the toast. Check to confirm that everyone has someone close by who can clink glasses together at the appropriate moment.

          Begin with “I propose a toast.”  Give the occasion for the toast and why the toast is appropriate for the celebration. The body of the toast is putting in words how you feel about the person, the event, or the time of the year. Be brief, concise, and direct. Two minutes is the maximum for a toast.

          The toast is one of the few times when a manuscript is in order. At the least, plan ahead. Do not do an impromptu toast!  Avoid this disastrous introduction: “I didn’t really have time to prepare anything, but I want to say.…” Print your words on a note card. Hold the card(s) in your left hand, so that when the time comes you can raise your glass with the right hand to touch glasses with a companion as you conclude the toast. Your last words are the object of the toast.

          I sometimes like to include a quotation within the toast. If you are toasting people you might include the anonymous “May you live as long as you want and may you never want as long as you live.” 

          Create a dramatic flourish as you end. You want people to know when you are finished. Raise your glass at the end of your toast, “clink” with a partner, and take a sip.

          May you all have a great holiday season! In the toasting words of Bob Hope: “When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

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          At the end of their first date, a young man walks the girl to her front door. Encouraged by the way the night has gone, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and says to her, “How about a goodnight kiss?”  Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad?  My parents will see us.”  “Oh, come on!  Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”  “No, please! Can you imagine if we get caught?”  “Oh, come on, there’s nobody around. They’re all sleeping!”  “No way, it’s just too risky!”  “Oh, please, please, I like you so much!”  “No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can’t.”  “Oh, yes, you can, please?”  “No, no, I just can’t.”

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"

          To tell this story, the speaker must increase vocal variety. You may think of conversation only in interpersonal communication, not usually in a presentation, but conversation or dialogue in a speech can add much to your presentation. Part of dialogue is asking questions, so your voice goes up at the end of the question. You exclaim in conversation which requires punching out the end of the sentence. You slow down when you are about to say an important phrase or word. You speed up when you show excitement in reacting to the point the other person has made. Thus if you tend to speak in a monotone, include dialogue to give the vocal variety you need.

          Incorporating dialogue also gives you much more impetus for overall animation. When you are talking to someone, you will sometimes gesture toward the person, or sweep your arms to emphasize your feelings, or punch out part of your conversation with your hands. Sometimes when you are in a conversation, you take a step to emphasize a point or to change direction. Reacting to what the other person has said will motivate a different facial expression. Thus the conversation encourages you to use all aspects of nonverbal communication, which is rarely the case if you are imparting factual information or referencing slides on PowerPoint.

          When I include dialogue, I can see that it provides a change of pace for me and the audience. Dialogue breaks up the presentation of data and ideas to give the audience a respite from the heavy content.

          In your next presentation, look for a place where dialogue would fit. The dialogue could even be a way of giving information, such as relating a case study that involved two or three people. You simply report on what they say. For example, a new employee was part of a question and answer session with the CEO of the company. He asked, “What is the skill you have that has meant the most in getting to be president of this company. His answer was, “I have learned to listen.”  This is a great dialogue that I use when I begin my seminar on effective listening.

          Remember interpersonal communication is not the only place for conversation. A great addition to your next presentation might be a bit of interesting dialogue.

 

 

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Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is Professor of Speech Communication, College of Informatics, Northern Kentucky University in the Cincinnati area. He works with organizations whose people want to speak and listen more effectively to increase professional and personal success. He can be reached at 800.727.6520, or visit www.sboyd.com for free articles and resources to improve your communication skills.