Adapting to Your Audience During Breaks

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Steve Boyd

If you are delivering a long presentation that includes a break or you are the next speaker and a break precedes your presentation, spend time among the people who will be or who are in your audience by listening to people during breaks.

For example, in using a birthday-matching exercise, I have 25 people from the audience give their birthdays looking for a match—two people having the same birthday. As I listened to each one recently, I was so busy concentrating on making sure I didn’t leave anyone out that I did not recognize the obvious: one of the participants gave the month and day of our seminar. In other words, that day was his birthday and I did not recognize it!

At the break, I overheard one of the audience members mention that fact. I asked who that person was and he pointed out that individual to me. As soon as we came back from the break, I began by asking if anyone had a birthday besides the one in our earlier exercise. When no one raised his or her hand, I asked the person for his name and we all sang “Happy Birthday” to him. This made up for my missing this fact earlier, and the group acting in unison created a positive audience-speaker relationship.

I have not done this regularly in the past. Part of the reason is that if I have been speaking, people are using the break to ask me questions and I don’t have the opportunity to mix and mingle near the snack and drink tables.

But after this experience I will work harder to gain feedback during the break. This was especially important in this situation since part of the following section of content was improving listening skills. (Someone might have said, “Steve, I know someone who does seminars on improving listening—just in case you’re interested!”)

You can adapt to the audience before the presentation begins by talking to people from the organization. You can go online to learn about the group and even search for key people in the organization on the Internet. But don’t forget to adapt during your presentation as well. Mixing and mingling during break time can be invaluable to the rest of your presentation.

Say a Positive Word Today

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Steve Boyd

We know that positive messages are easier to assimilate and understand than negative messages. You improve the effectiveness of communication when you can couch messages in positive words.

One of the ways you can use positive words regularly is to pick a superlative in response to “How are you doing today?” Words such as “tremendous,” “marvelous,” and “super” work well. I had a friend who always responded with “Fan-TAS-tic!” My favorite word to use in response to that frequent question is “great.”

For years I had an 8:00 a.m. class with freshmen in a required course that no one wanted to take. Students rarely volunteer to take a public speaking course! I’d walk into class on a February morning with the temperature in the twenties and three inches of snow on the ground.

A student would ask, “Dr. Boyd, how are you doing?” I’d still try to use “Great!” You might say I was misleading those young minds. My philosophy is that when I awake in the morning, bad breath is better than no breath at all!

I’m always looking for new positive words to use in casual conversation. This morning I ordered a cup of tea at Starbucks and said to the person who waited on me, “How are you today?”

“I’m living my dream!“ she said. What a marvelous attitude that was! To be healthy, to be able to work, and to serve people are huge blessings. In that sense many of us can often say, “I’m living my dream.”

Empathy phrases or words are usually a positive response to a troubled or frustrated person who is complaining or relating a problem he or she is having. An empathic response is simply a non-evaluative, non-judgmental response. You don’t want to give advice or evaluate the behavior that has caused their problem. Don’t say, “That was a dumb thing to do. You should have known better,” or,in a sarcastic voice, “You poor thing! You have more problems than anyone I know.” Instead, say, “I can tell that you feel strongly about that,” or “You’ve really been dealing with challenges today.” This affirms that you are listening and may even encourage the person to offer more information which might be most helpful in guiding you in giving an appropriate response. A sympathetic tone and eye contact are vital to show your empathy.

Using the word “and” instead of “but” is another simple way to keep the comment positive. When you are giving feedback to an employee, instead of saying, “You helped your customer see the value of the product, but next time…” say, “You helped your customer see the value of the product, and next time…” You are now encouraging instead of criticizing.

Take a moment before speaking to think of how you might find the best way to choose positive words in your message. As Mark Twain said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”

Handling the Difficult Person

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Steve Boyd

I recently read this statement, “If you lend someone $20 and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.” We sometimes have to deal with a difficult person. Having the difficult person in your meeting or, worse, reporting to such an individual or having that person report to you can be frustrating at best. There is always the customer or student or colleague who makes life difficult at times. As one sage said, “I believe some people exist simply to annoy me.”

Here are some communication techniques that can be helpful in dealing with a difficult person.

Be pleasant in your dealings with that person. Don’t return anger with anger. Keep your voice at a normal range or softer and avoid the temptation to ”put the person in his or her place.” This may be challenging if the person verbally attacks you, but your manner can calm the person.

If this is a person you will see often, learn about his or her background. Perhaps there is a reason this individual is so difficult. Perhaps they are influenced by a chronic illness or a recent family death. If you don’t have a chance to get to know them, simply assuming certain personal factors contribute to the behavior can help you have more compassion and patience.

Avoid emotional-laden words like “stupid,” “crazy,” “dumb,” and any profanity. Enough said!

Don’t interrupt. This will simply exacerbate the anger or belligerent attitude of the person. Let the person talk. Maintain a concerned expression as you listen. At any pause, ask a question to encourage them to keep talking. If you have time, say, “What else makes you so concerned?” “Have you told me everything?” or “What makes you feel this way?” or “Tell me more.”

When people are upset, they are like balloons so full they are ready to explode. This technique of asking more questions to keep them talking is like letting a balloon’s air out slowly until finally the balloon deflates completely. Helping the person cathart is letting the air out of the balloon. You do not want the balloon to pop.

When I taught a course for a public seminar company on “Dealing with the Difficult Person,” I taught a technique called “negative inquiry.” When a person is upset, ask a question about the issue. Let each of your questions build on what the person has complained about. For example, a customer might say, “You have lousy service. I’m leaving!”

Response: “What makes you say we have poor service?’”

The customer answers, “Your people are rude when I call and complain.”

Your second response might be, “What do they do that is rude?”

With each follow-up question, you gain valuable information that may improve the quality of your responses. You may even salvage this person’s business with this approach as well as learn valuable information about your company’s customer service.

If all else fails, give him $20 and see what happens.

Who is in Your Audience?

Posted on March 4, 2013 by Steve Boyd

Audience analysis is always important in preparing a speech. Adapting to specific people, however, is important as well.

If I know an audience member knows more about the topic than I, I might refer to something he or she has said or written to show my respect for their expertise and thus add their credibility to what I am saying.

Occasionally, I may recognize a member of my audience who holds a view different from mine. Acknowledging that position lets that person as well as the rest of the audience know that I understand there is more than one way to view the idea.

I remember telling a story that involved suicide. One member of the audience walked out at that point. I found out later her husband had committed suicide earlier that year. Knowing this would have changed my choice of examples. I learned after that experience to ask the program chair before my speech if there was anything unusual that had happened to members of my audience.

My wife and daughter are in my audience each Sunday morning. Awareness of that fact affects my content. Occasionally their immediate response changes my content. If I can’t think of a word or a scripture my wife will sometimes prompt me. I encourage that, for if I can correct a mistake quickly, my content improves. A frown from either of them will usually convince me to rethink what I just said or quickly to move away from that thought. On rare occasions, my wife’s nodding off motivated me to get to the conclusion quickly.

In addition, if I have an example that includes my daughter’s actions as a child, I ask myself if what I am about to include will embarrass or anger her. Thus sometimes I eliminate an example I would have used were she not in my audience.

A story is told of a man who got to heaven and asked about a crowd he saw gathered.

“Oh, they’re sharing stories of their experiences on earth. Would you care to participate?” answered one standing nearby.

“Why sure,” he said,, “I want to tell about the huge flood we had in 1889, in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Twenty-two hundred people drowned.”

“That will be fine,” came the answer, “but remember, Noah will be in the audience.”

When thinking about your audience, you want to be aware if a “Noah” is present. If so, you may choose to adjust your content.

From Better to Best

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Steve Boyd

Many of you who read this blog are experienced speakers. When someone is pretty good in front of an audience, there is a tendency to become complacent and not to continue working to improve the craft. Here are some ideas to keep that from happening.

Change one sentence in each presentation even when you are delivering the same presentation you have delivered many times before. You might use a different quotation to make the same point.

For example, many of my speeches address motivation and improvement in paying attention wherever you are or whatever you are doing. Here is a quotation I heard recently that I believe would be different and possibly improve my point about sustaining attention on a continual basis. Green Bay quarterback, Aaron Rodgers said, “I really believe that you earn your paycheck during the season. And then the postseason is all about creating your own legacy.”

Consistently seek better ways to word your main points to make the greatest impact on your audience. For example, in my “High Bid” speech, I discuss the traits that will enhance your worth in the market place. One point is to have a sense of humor. I used that wording for several years. But one time I changed the wording to say, “Have some fun each day.” The audience responded really well to that wording and I have been using that phrasing in most of my speeches since.

Change the way you deliver your opening or your ending. Since people remember best what you say first and last, seeking to improve either can make a difference in how your message is received.

I typically begin my speech on paying attention by responding to part of my introduction, which mentions that I spent much of my career working with students in the university environment. I will say, “Students have a special problem paying attention. For example, my son who teaches at Purdue had a student walk into his classroom wearing a t-shirt that read, ‘You can never relive a party but you can always retake a class.’ I’m not sure you can depend on that student to pay good attention in class.”

Recently I changed that opening to “How many of you drive to work the same way each day and have done so for several years?” Usually a large number of hands go up. My next question is, “Have you ever gotten to work and not remembered how you got there?” Most hands go up again, and then I say, “Here you are driving 75 miles an hour down the interstate and don’t remember. We all have trouble paying attention.” I believe both beginnings are effective. But the benefit of the second opening is that I get the audience involved immediately and instantly they see how the topic relates to them.

Some of my most successful speaker clients are those who were already effective public speakers. They simply wanted a tip or technique that would set them apart from their competition. They used me to give them feedback on those small but significant ways to improve. You can always make your next speech the best one.

In My Own Hand

Posted on January 21, 2013 by Steve Boyd

I rarely blog about written communication, but a quotation I read in a recent Wall Street Journal motivated me to write this.

My mother died many years ago, but recently I had a personal connection with her. In one of my files, I found a letter she wrote to me in the 70s. She wrote like she talked. I could almost hear her voice. I treasure that piece of paper because of that personal connection. Her handwriting was as unique as her personality.

Letter writing has become a lost art. According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, The Lost Art of the Handwritten Note, “A British survey found that the average time since an adult wrote anything at all by hand was 41 days.” A veteran elementary teacher told me, “It is a rare elementary school teacher who teaches handwriting skills.”

As long ago as 54 C. E., the Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand,” implying that it was unusual.

I find that writing notes helps to develop a personal relationship with a client or to enhance a relationship with spouse or child. The personal hand-written note will help people remember you. When I write a thank-you note, a thinking-of-you note, or a note of encouragement, I think more about what I am going to say and usually have a more specific and personal message than if I am emailing or texting.

We want to have a professional website, an attractive business card, and always look our best when working with a prospective client. An added competitive edge is to make use of the personal note.

My mother wrote me once a week for years after I left home. I looked forward to the weekly epistle on Tuesday or Wednesday; her letters gave me a weekly boost.

When looking through her papers after her death, I found a letter I’d written, thanking her for all she had done for me. I guess the letter writing meant a lot to her as well.

Engage Your Audience!

Posted on January 1, 2013 by Steve Boyd

At a presentation skills workshop I conducted for a group of executives recently, I asked each what they wanted to gain from the program. The most common response was “How can I engage my audience?” As you begin a new year of presentations, you may have the same question. Here are some of the suggestions I made.

Get the audience to do things in unison. I use a posture-related exercise where I have everyone stand and then tell them to put the weight of their bodies equally on the balls of their feet. I say, ”This habit will help you have good posture as you begin your presentation and will aid you in not swaying back and forth or slouching as you begin.”

Ask questions that are easy to answer. I ask, for example, what some of the physical manifestations of stage fright are. Since practically everyone has had most of the common symptoms, lots of people will offer answers. That easily leads to our discussion of dealing with stage fright. (See a previous article on stage fright.)

Do paper and pencil exercises. In my listening workshops, I have them make a “to do” list on paper as I tell them a story. I want them to write the list and listen to my story at the same time. This is very difficult to do effectively and gives evidence to my point that multi-tasking affects the quality of your listening.

Give away prizes during your program. When I discuss paying attention, I often conclude by pointing out someone in the audience who has been paying careful attention and say, “I can tell by the nonverbal feedback from John that he is paying careful attention, so I am going to reward him by giving him a copy of my book.” After I give away the book, I find that audiences are more involved because there might be another gift in the offing.

Finally, move and change positions as you speak. Audiences can’t resist watching as you move away from the lectern to one side of the room for a few seconds or walk down the aisle to emphasize a point or answer a question from someone in the back of the room. Movement attracts attention, but of course pacing back and forth has a negative effect. Be sure your movement is connected with a point change or the beginning of a story.

You can never engage all the audience members all the time. However, these suggestions can go a long way in encouraging most of the people to pay attention most of the time.

Lazy Speech Habits

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Steve Boyd

“I listened recently to a teacher using “uh” so often that it became distracting and I could not pay attention to his content. We speakers use a variety of catch phrases, including “you know,” “OK,” ”and uh,” and “et cetera.” Using filler words or verbalized pauses as transitions or to fill space between sentences can affect the speaker’s credibility as well as how audiences accept the speaker’s content.

In addition, using a word over and over can have the same distracting effect. My wife pointed out to me that I overuse the word “just” in both my speaking and writing. Once on my student evaluations at the end of a semester, several students commented that I overused “class.” I said way too often, “Now, class, you need to turn to page…,” or “Class, you need to remember to….” I was not even aware I was using the word, let alone so frequently that several in that section commented on the bad habit.

Because we may not be aware of when we use certain expressions, we have a hard time making the corrections. At all costs, avoid the verbalized pause, “uh,” or “and-uh,” to maintain the sanity of your audience and enhance your credibility.

Here are some techniques to cope with that weakness.

Ask someone you know who will be in the audience to listen for meaningless expressions, verbalized pauses, or overused words. When you identify those, you have several choices to eliminate them.

Choose a new word to use instead and discipline yourself to substitute the new word or phrase two or three times in your next speech. Write it in your notes if that will help. For example, if you have trouble using ”you know,” substitute “also” or “in addition to….”

Use a pause to show you are through with the thought and simply go to your next point without filling in the silence. You may feel awkward not saying anything when you have habitually said “you know” at the beginnings or ends of most of your thoughts; but trust me, audiences will listen better to the next sentence if it is preceded by silence to show punctuation instead of an unnecessary expression.

The last suggestion is to develop key internal summary sentences that you include between main points. This will help you avoid the needless sounds because you will be concentrating on internal summary. For example you could say, “Now that we have talked about the positive use of the pause, let us now move on to internal summaries.”

As a speaker you are evaluated by the choice of words you use to express your ideas. Don’t accept the extra burden of allowing meaningless words or sounds lower your credibility.

My guess is that when we say “You know” for the tenth time in five minutes and an audience member yells out, “No, I don’t know. Tell me!” we will stop using it.